Episode 1: A Giggle and a Gas
In my restless dreams, I see that town... LAS VEGAS! Where greedy people on vacation go to lose their money and gain a new addiction! But wait, could it be something out of the ordinary is happening in such a city? 'fraid not. Instead, let us turn the setting to a different location: TOKYO! Not much different in appearance than the last place we were BUT there are alot more people wearing suits! One of these is young Ahatake Kurosaki. He was bannished from another local Japanese town of little importance due to associating himself with some Orange-haired rebellious teenager with a big-ass sword. Ever since, he has stalked Japan in search of acceptance... only to find none! Aha: Yes, I was wondering if I could speak to ArmedDragoon, please? Secretary: (Files her nails, not noticing his presence) Aha: Hello...? For the love of god, Aha, just get the hell in there! Aha: (Looks up, frightened) Who said that?! After entering a nearby elevator, Aha stands next to a man wearing a flamboyant pink robe and has long, white hair with brown eyes, who is staring calmly up at the lights signifying which floor they were on. Aha: Uhhh... hi? Sei: Please do not speak to me. Aha: Why- Sei: Because, I am far too cool for you. (Pulls out a pair of large sunglasses and puts them on, crossing his arms and nodding into space) Aha: Why do you have a sword? Sei: So that I might be able to shave myself with it- WHY ELSE WOULD I HAVE A SWORD, NINCOMPOOP?! IT'S FOR CUTTING PEOPLE OPEN SO THAT I MIGHT PLAY DOCTOR-DOCTOR WITH THEM! ONLY INSTEAD OF HEARING A LOUD, ANNOYING BUZZING SOUND YOU WILL HEAR THEIR AGONIZING SCREAMS! Aha: ... What medicine are you on? Sei: HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS ON MEDICATION!?!? (Unsheathes his sword to cut Aha when the door opens, revealing a white-haired man in a red trenchcoat) Sad: Can I- Sei: NO SCREENTIME FOR YOU! (Presses button, closing elevator doors and sending them back down to the lobby) Now, how did you know I took medication!? Aha: Intuition? Sei: Don't only women have that?! Aha: No? Sei: But you look so flamboyant and girly! I am pretty sure you wear women's underwear! Aha: Are you on crack...? Sei: MAYBE! Lobby, again... Upon reaching the lobby once more, Sei stabbed the control panel with his sword to prevent Aha from using it. Aha: Why did you do that?! Sei: So that you can get some excercise by taking the stairs, fatty. Aha: Now you'll have to as well! Sei: You are a fool, nincompoop! For I am not here on any official business other than the hopes that I will find either breasts I can fondle or an ass I can kick! Aha: Who are you...? Sei: I am Seireitou Kawahiru, this Parodies' version of Kamina! Now come, Simon, and let us do battle with a sharp-toothed furry! Aha: ...What? Sei: (Jumps through the elevator roof and flies off) Aha: ... As he steps out, an old man wearing a suit, tophat, and monocle inched closer to the exit, having to use a walker to help him move. As he neared the exit after a good 20 minutes of taking a single step, he is hit by the door as another man in a similar suit enters, smelling a rose and having strange sparkles glittering his presence. Xan: I... have arrived. Armed: I think you broke my dusty bones! Xan: Sorry, father, but I've been waiting several hours for you to make it across that room so I grew a little close to impatient. Aha: Are you Armed? Xan: Of course not. This is Armed, my father. Armed: Well hello little lady. What is a bright young lass like you doing in a big place like this? Aha: I'm a dude, dude. Armed: How frightening! Xan: I thought my Gaydar had picked something up just a minute ago. Aha: I'm not gay, though! Xan: The Gaydar never lies. Armed: Can we leave now? My already-wrinkled face is now broken thanks to you and your shenanigans. Xan: I said I was sorry. Armed: You could've killed me! An innocent old man just minding his own bus- Where are we?! Xan: (Sighs) Sei: (Bursts through roof dynamically and lands hard on the ground in front of them) Armed: Who the fuck are you?! (Adjusts monocle) Sei: Sorry, but I've already introduced myself once today so I'm fresh out of introductions. Armed: Oh, darn... Can you give me a hint at who you are? Sei: It'll cost you exactly 99 American cents. Armed: I'm Japanese, I think! I don't have that kind of money! Sei: MUST I PUT YOUR ASS ON THE STREETS TO WORK OFF THAT PAYMENT?! Armed: But I'm just an old man! I'm not limber enough to go through that kind of stuff again! Xan: I am. (Smiles) Sei: How frightening. Hey, look, it's the hermaphrod- ...Hermaphr- ...It's the she-man! Aha: (Facepalms) I only dress like this because, well... It's comfortable! Plus I've been told it makes me look pretty. Sei: I remember the days when people told me I look pretty... That was back when my bitch-ass brother kicked my ass, stole my lunch-money, made sex with my girlfriend, and ran away from home to a succesful life as a rich celebrity... all in one day! Best part of the day, at the end he said I looked pretty. That made up for all of it. Xan: Really? Sei: Fuck no! Ima kill that bitch! (Sadow enters the lobby from the stairwell) Sad: Now can I have my promised-screentime? Sei: Will you make me a sandwich after? Sad: No? Sei: What if I said please? Sad: Still no. Sei: What if I drew my sword and said please in a threatening manner? (Unsheathes his sword) Sad: (Shoots him in the chest, sending him doubling-back) Bitch, please. Xan: Dear Haruhii, dude! I think he's dead! Armed: I just crapped my pants! Aha: (Starts backing up slowly) Sad: Did you think I would enter an executive building without packin' heat?! Armed: We're in an executive building?! Sei: (Gets up and brushes himself off, completely unharmed) Sad: Bullshit, not even Kubo Tite makes calls like that. Sei: Actually, to be perfectly honest... (Pulls out his large sunglasses which are now cracked) These repelled the bullet. Aha: Like Ichigo's Hollow Mask from the Rukia Retrieval arc! Sei: Quiet, pinky, men are talking! (Clears his throat) Since you nearly just made me bleed I will give you the right to challenge me to a duel. Sad: ...(Shoots him again, causing him to double-over once more) Aha: What is wrong with you?! Sad: I'm sorry, that wasn't my fault that time. I have a habit of letting it go too early and, before I know it, things are messy. Sei: That is what she said. (Rises, still unharmed) Sad: What the fuck?! Sei: I had an extra pair of sunglasses. (Smiles) Sad: I'm leaving now. No screentime is worth this. (As he leaves a sedan runs him over) Fah: (Hurries out of car with Wah) Dad! Can you hear me?! Speak to me! Dad!! Wah: (Says with a monotone voice) I am worried. Sad: (Groans in pain) I fell... on my... pen collection... Fah: Well at least your gun didn't go off prematurely again. Sei: (Shouts from inside the building) That's what she said! Fah: Are you going to be ok? Sad: OF COURSE NOT, CHILD, GET ME TO A HOSPITAL BEFORE- (Is run over again by a jeep) Tsuki: (Exits jeep) Did I just squash an albino-furby? Fah: Nah, that's just our dad. Wah: (Monotone voice)There is blood everywhere. It's just like my eighth birthday party, except this blood isn't that of my girble. Sad: (His voice is muffled as his squashed face is under the tire of the jeep) Sei: You said it, Fred!